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Okay, the wine led to the mousse - and I gotta stop that!! I don't know WHY though, as my calories are again very reasonable - according to "them" anyway - but I went up a pound anyway.... yanno, I lost ALL my weight eating this same way, or actually, I did it while eating higher calories..... so this is just torture. I am still convinced that doing my regular exercise again will change things, though, and since that is so important to overall good health anyway, knowing that if I stop doing it will cause me to gain just should be enough to KEEP me doing it... so, I can't really say I'm glad about this situation, but still... it's not all bad, not yet... As long as I can lose back down to where I was and maintain while eating like I have been, once I'm exercising again, I'll be happy. Exercise is the key. It is within my grasp. I WILL do this. Did my nutritional report today, summarizing my averages since I started back with Lifeform. Considering that my BMR is supposedly 2800, I should have been losing weight all this time, not gaining, so that tells you just how "real" some of those BMR averages really are! And BMI and BF and all the rest, for that matter - they're all useless!! Just Go With What Works - JGWWW. Going skiing tomorrow, that will be my first exercise of the New Year.... and I can't wait!!
JANUARY 3
Supps: You betcha Water: All of it plus some hot cocoa and Sam's Choice Ruby Red Grapefruit Burst - the only aspartame I ever ingest, I just love the fresh juice taste of that stuff!! Exercise:
Skiied all over Vail Mtn - What a fabulous day we had!! It was only 12
degrees in Vail Village @10 this morning when we arrived but there was
one of those weird temperature inversion things going on and once we got
up on top of the mountain it was perfectly warm, we were all overdressed
and had to shed some layers. Conditions were fabulous, and I wore the 10
y.o. out to the extent that he is staying home to watch cartoons
tomorrow while I go skiing again - with just "the girls" this
time - whoo hooo! JANUARY 4 Well I skipped skiing in lieu of working on the website and the "books"..... lots of end of year stuff to do for the THREE companies I keep all the books for... my girlfriend cancelled on me anyway and I wold have had to leave the boy alone... so I'll go Monday instead.
I thought surely, with these low calories, I would lose a bunch. One reason I indulged in the popcorn is because it has not stalled me in the past and my calories were so low for the day - but maybe I should revise my thinking re: popcorn because this morning there is NO CHANGE on the scale. Ptttttttbtf! (sound of big wet raspberry!) Well,
here I am, bedridden and pecking out letters on a borrowed laptop. Later
I will copy this to an email and send it from my regular computer but at
least I can type it out from the bed where I will be for who knows how
long….. you see, we went sledding yesterday and I had an unfortunate
landing and fractured my L3 vertebrae. I also found out I have
scoliosis!! Very minor but obvious on xrays – so I was destined to be
even TALLER? Anyway,
I walked into the emergency room – and into the house, later, and
although I hurt like hell, everything works and all I can think
about is how lucky I am! Things could be much worse. I
need to see a neurologist as soon as possible, he will be the one to
tell me a detailed prognosis, but I am sure he will say to take it easy
and let it heal and let my pain be my guide as to my activity level. I
will heal in time, and I will do everything I can to insure that the
time is as quick as possible. Lots of ice and pain pills and being
waited on hand and foot so far… I
am working on getting myself hooked up with a laptop that has internet
access, since I think that is the only way I will be able to stay sane-
and more importantly, immobile….I should be able to use this one for
that, but something is all screwed up with the settings and I don’t
have the network disks that I need to fix it. A
lot has changed in 48 hours….. The doctor’s office called the next
morning Yesterday
– I
tempted fate - and lost!!! I finally got the borrowed laptop to dial
into roxanne's account and I checked my mail and the message board
BEFORE downloading a virus checker. BAM. As though the universe hadn't
kicked me in the teeth enough this week, I got the badtransB worm right
off the bat.
Today,
I
am finally back online again, with a cleaned laptop and a virus program
that will even run on this windows95 dinosaur.... Norton took forever to
download on this dialup acct and then wouldn't run on 95 - DUHHH.
I
am ordering a new laptop today that will run the programs I use, and I
have scheduled a guy to install some wireless networking so I can USE my
existing expensive internet satellite hookup from this bed then too. I
have instigated having the wireless networking installed ASAP (gonna
cost thousands, ask me how much I look forward to paying someone $120/hr
to do stuff that I could have done myself, if only…..) Figuring out
how to run our businesses from this bed.... rather inconvenient but with
some help as far as fetching supplies, etc., I WILL make it work. Mitch
is being wonderful, of course. I couldn't ask for a better nurse, cook,
or father. He will probably have the house in better shape than before
in another week! It will help so much that Roxanne has her license and
can run errands.
My
life sure has shrunk…….. I dropped my fork today when I had only
eaten half of my salad and I had to go hungry for the next three hours!
Well, I guess I could have gotten up, but it just didn’t seem worth it
looking back at those x-rays and hearing that doctor’s words about
surgery echoing in my head….. so I stayed put! ***Adding
this much later – the 17th to be exact – It seems funny,
looking back now on this entry – not funny ha-ha, but funny ironic - I
was in so much pain when I wrote the falsely bright entry above - this
was also the
morning that Mitch ran out of my regular coffee beans and had to find
reinforcements. Well, he accidentally found and used Toasted Almond
flavored coffee beans – you must understand that I am very voluntarily
addicted to good coffee, people. The world isn’t allowed to start
until Karen gets her strong coffee just the way she likes it…. But it
can’t be FLAVORED coffee, not first thing in the morning, I choose
flavored coffee only after dinner, and only about three times a year….
I bring my own water, coffee, and coffee maker with me when I travel
anywhere – even to another person’s home!!! I have been known to
make us detour far afield on trips to secure a decent amount of java
with which to start my day, and I think Mitch should know all this by
now….we’ve been together for what…. Nineteen years now! But when
he brought it to me and I couldn’t drink it, really, I felt really
bad. I was going through some major guilt feelings due to the burden
Mitch was facing, already, due to my stupidity, he was late for work
again, ready to leave to take the boy to school, how could I ask him to
do it over again…. So I mumbled Oh I’ll be fine, you don’t have to
do that all over again just for me… and he actually ACCEPTED that
answer….. and left!! There I was, no caffeine at all, I actually
got withdrawal-like symptoms complete with headache by lunchtime… but
then I REALIZED, HEY, THIS IS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT, LADY! I have to ask
for I need, no one can read my mind and they have enough to do these
days without trying. So I try to ask for what I want and to appear
cheerful, ever since this day, because that’s my "part",
it’s the one thing I can do (besides the computer work) that actually
helps my family instead of adding to their new burden. But don’t get
me wrong. I learned to allow myself the occasional pity party, too, as
time went on….. I just made sure they happened in private and I kept
it in perspective. My
girlfriend delivered a rented hospital table to me today that I managed
to line up yesterday, and she helped me get the book orders out, too…
so I now have the laptop OFF my lap = yippee!! We re-organized some
other things in the bedroom too, to make me more efficient - and more
important, more self-sufficient - and she even changed my sheets for me
and did some laundry. Thank God for good friends. My brother called this
morning too, we talked non-stop for over two hours – guess we should
talk more often and not wait for a crises, I told him. All in all I am
feeling a little better about life in general. I paid bills for both
companies as well as our personal ones today, It helps morale a lot to
be able to do something productive!! So,
the doc called yest. to say "oh by the way, you have kidney
stones", (yes stoneS plural) - "i can see them on your xrays,
you need to see a urologist".... talk about adding insult to
injury..... so since i'll be meeting my deduct this year i guess i'll
add the urologist to my To Do list and have my stones utrasoundededly
(new word) dissolved..... and have my uterus removed too....... let's
see, what else do i want done..... :P oh yeah, can’t forget about that
breast reduction! i've
had a rough couple of days, after a week i am getting pretty sore on my
"pressure points" and it's been harder to keep up good
spirits. mitch is snappy and stressed and i am no doubt over sensitive
to everything. i didn't even break down and cry till yest,, and it
didn't last long and then i went for 3/4 a bottle of wine instead!! (i
have been making myself do w/out any drugs in the daytime because i
can't take having my sleep patterns screwed up so it wasn't like it was
dangerous for me to drink or anything.) for some reason i seem more sore
rather than less and thinking "one week down, just 11 to go"
is cold comfort sometimes. Yes I know I was relatively lucky but the
next person to actually say that to me may need medical attention
themself...... the fact that it cold be worse doesn't mean this is easy
and even I need to be allowed to grieve the loss of my precious
independence.... I should be ALLOWED to feel a little tiny bit sorry for
myself here and there for Crissake, overall I KNOW my spirits are as
upbeat as they need to be or at least as upbeat as I can personally make
them, considering... everyone has their limits…... I was just
getting things organized and feeling a little more optimistic when the
dr. called about the kidney stones. talk about being kicked when you are
down, Murpy deserves a two month vacation after the number he's done on
me recently..... I
just reread this and i am tempted to not keep it it, i do not like to
admit to weakness of any kind... maybe this experience is meant to teach
me something about that, tho...... so i am going to publish this, and
hope that you the reader will realize that i am bound to have good days
and not so good days and just the process of writing this out has helped
me to move past these very normal feelings of frustration…. "Or
at least…… that’s my story - and I’m sticking to it!" Feeling
better today. Have a newspaper column to write….thank God I wrote my
columns for last Monday way ahead of time. I credit my ESP or intuition
or whatever you want to call it for that – and had I listened to that
voice on "the fateful day" I wouldn’t be laying here
now…… seriously. We were having a great time sledding, I had taken
off for the bottom every time without a trace of hesitation and a big
smile on my face, yet before my last-ever sled ride, I told Mitch:
"I am getting all scared and weirded out for some reason …. I
guess I better hurry up and go"……. I
will hear myself say those words over and over, forever. Why not…
"I think I’ve had enough, I'll walk down"….. No, I had to
go even though I was feeling the hair on my arms stand up and my stomach
was rolling and it seemed like the sun even went behind a cloud…. What
an idiot. You can bet that I will always listen to my gut in future,
this is certainly not the first time I’ve seemed to have knowledge
beforehand, usually it is more mundane like never getting a speeding
ticket in spite of having a major leadfoot…but there have been other,
more dramatic instances, too. This one…… man, I’m dying here
thinking about it, but how silly would I have felt, walking down that
hill…… Call it ESP, call it intuition, call it a divine hint, I
don’t care….. I will be LISTENING from now on. Whoo
Hoooo - Dell already shipped my laptop, they said it wouldn't go till
the 22nd but they did the same thing with the desktop I
financed last March, I had it in no time… I am thinking I can wear my
brace for a while this weekend and stand behind Roxanne while she moves
all my data onto CDs. She wants to burn some music CDs for
"her" car anyway, so then she'll know how, and whatever we do
ahead of time saves me $120/hr later! Yesterday Amazon.com ordered 24
books at once, I must have moved up the hierarchy to a status of having
cases ordered instead of a few here, few there…. My sales ranking went
from 2 million something at first to 1 million after the first weekend,
then I was 90 thousandth something last I checked, now into the 40s…..
When I get listed under low carbohydrate, I bet I'll sell a ton of books
- I can't even figure out how they are selling at all - I can only find
the book on Amazon myself by searching for the title. When I search
under the categories I requested to be in (weight loss and low carb), it
isn't there at all. I can only get to it at all by searching "all
books". Hopefully they will address this soon - I did as they asked
back in Dec. and sent a classification form in. I also took the extra
optional action of submitting a copy of the book to the Editorial staff
for their review - if only they would add it to the Amazon Recommends
links…. I keep hoping. One of these days…. Yesterday
I balanced three bank accounts, made my quarterly sales tax remittance,
and STARTED READING MY STEPHEN KING book! I’ve had it next to me on
the bed every day since the accident but I have until now used all my
energies to organize myself (I have a box I call my "desk" and
it better by-God be next to me at all times!) and to work… I haven’t
even considered ‘just’ reading… but all I have left to do now are
ongoing payables and payroll and three each 940, 941, & state
unemployment reports, along with three sets of quarterly and year-end
reports and W2s and W3s… it’s not as much as it sounds, the hard
part is actually done, and I have till the 31st to finish, so
I can start to relax a little … and do things like read a book - what
heaven!! Dark House, sequel to the Talisman. Took a while to get into,
but it’s rolling along now…. And
I am waiting for UPS to deliver my laptop, TODAY!!!! Whooo Hoooo, I can
hardly wait to check it out. And now, I am going to ‘just’ read
until it gets here. :0)
Been very busy
transferring data to the new laptop ever since the moment it arrived -
just in time so I could really appreciate the touchpad mouse....
the little old one that I was borrowing just had the little button mouse
on the keyboard and that got old REAL fast.... the guy will be
coming to install the wireless networking tomorrow (@120/hr - yikes!!)
so I can stop using the damn dial-up - once you go fast, it's really
tough to go back to dial up... I am still not up at
all except to pee.... that's what the doctor recommended so that's what
I do... he did say I could walk on treadmill w/ brace tho, will
start that very soon, even if only for ten minutes at a time... or even
five.... I am SOOOOO stiff, gotta be from the laying around 24/7,
at first I thought it was potassium deficiency but now I just think...
stiff, very stiff.... new x-rays in 2 weeks, I will chill till
then, got PLENTY to do right from this bed anyhow... January is the
busiest month for us bookkeepers, always. OK, back is protesting, time to chill flat for a while and then I have a newspaper column and a lowcarb luxury newsletter column to write today...... tomorrow the computer geek w/b on my payroll, then Wed. maybe I can do most of rest of tax prep work for the 3 companies... would like to get that out of the way asap...... what ever happened to all that time I was supposed to have on my hands?!? maybe SOMEDAY......... :P
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and they managed.... and then he said maybe he'd like to go back to skis
so we'll just have to see what happens...
TERMS
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